So - the IRS just sent us some paperwork saying that we owe a bit more for 2006; in fact we owe just about what we had received as a refund.
So - I'll be spending the remainder of my Thanksgiving break trying to figure out if I missed an item in my 2006 tax return of if we do, in fact, owe $2350.
If we do owe that amount... hmmm, I think I can scrape together ummmm... let's see... does the Federal Government take some other sort of compensation? Perhaps they'll just let me not use some government service, like Social Security. Could they simply take out all of my Social Security contributions and apply it to my owed tax?
I hear that's really the best way to balance a budget.
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Posted in the section Government on Sun, Nov 25, 2007 at
12:34 AM
President Bush announced his next step, today, in combating Global Warming and overall Climate Change.
From the Rose Garden, he quipped,
Quote:
It struck me, just yesterday, that I have way too many calendars. Then I realized I also had WAY more note-pads than I would ever use. Heck, I've been using note-pads just to make extra party hats for when world leaders come a-callin'. Now, here's the thing. I was informed that didn't buy ANY of these calendars or pads. They were all 'free gifts' from places where we order office supplies.
My proposal is simple. I'm calling on Congress to legislate some laws that ban giving this crap away. I've got to imagine that just not having twelve calendars and eighteen notepads sitting on each Americans' desk has got to save at least a forest somewhere.
Immediately, protests were flying in to news sources from grocery stores, banks, and chiropractors. All raised the same concern, asking how they were to get rid of the pallets of such free items already in their stock-rooms.
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Posted in the section Government on Sat, Nov 24, 2007 at
2:53 PM
Democrat leaders in Congress announced today that all of President Bush's recent "veto" signatures will be easily overturned, but not by a Congressional vote. It turns out that President Bush's penchant for mispronunciations and incorrect grammar have spilled over to his writing.
To properly "veto" a proposed bill:
http://www.answers.com/presidential+veto?cat=biz-fin&gwp=13
The President formally vetoes a bill by writing ‘veto’ across it and returning it to Congress with a statement outlining his objections.
Mr. Bush, with his command of the Spanish Language, assumed that the correct spelling of "veto" would be "VITO." The original "veto" is a Latin word meaning "I forbid." "VITO" is a Latin root suffix and/or affix for "LIFE." The "VITO" that Bush has been scrawling across the proposed bills have resulted in Bush, in essence, screaming: "I give this bill LIFE... LIVE!" Had he not also added his signature to each bill, with the statement: "I give this bill all of my VETO power," there might have been less confusion.
The most controversial "VITO" Bush issued regards stem cell research. The Supreme court is expected to take up the debate as to whether Bush intended to give life to the bill or to the stem cells. This series of events also promises to give Dan Quayle yet another 15 minutes in the sun.
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Posted in the section Government on Sat, Nov 24, 2007 at
2:48 PM
If you look upon a bottle of spring, filtered, or mineral water you will likely find an "expiration date." If you have made an observation regarding this in past, you likely have shrugged it off as "just something every food product is required to have."
But, such is not the case. Do you see expiration dates on fresh fruits and vegetables? Of course not.
So why is there an expiration date on your bottled water? The truth is frightening and worthy of much more media attention than even Global Climate Change.
Our intrepid DTSD reporter, Walter B. Aloo, spoke with the mouthpieces of several different water bottling companies. Each time he never got the same answer;
"The government makes us put something on."
"It really pertains to the plastic the water is in."
"It's to discourage hoarding."
After further probing and speaking with scientists to verify any of the veracity behind any of the answers, Wally finally found a Scientist willing to speak, but only upon guarantee of anonymity. The truth is that all of the water on the planet earth will expire and "go bad" sometime during the last four months of 2009.
There is hope though. The Mars expeditions have found signs of possible water. Also, as Global Climate Change continues to melt our polar ice, we may be able to mix in enough fresh water to stem off the water expiration for a few more years.
We here at the DTSD urge readers to remain calm. We're confident that our Scientific leaders will find a solution before the general public even realizes there ever was a calamity. Until then, though, you may want to reconsider that land purchase in New Jersey. As Wally said at our staff meeting; "I can only imagine what Jersey will smell like when the water expires..."
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Posted in the section Nothing on Sat, Nov 24, 2007 at
2:42 PM
Republicans are at a loss for how to choose the next presidential candidate.
I present, now, my solutions.
Option 1:
Realizing that (according to most polls) even their best political candidate can not beat either Obama or Clinton, decide it is time to draft America's favorite TV or Movie President. The Republican party will put all of their money behind the Character, as portrayed by the appropriate actor. The actor will be given scripts, once elected, to be written by Party Officials, in conjunction/collaboration with the Script writers from the appropriate show/movie. The GOP will select the candidate based on responses from an internet andtext-message poll.
Make sure to include Michael Douglas, Alan Alda, and Martin Sheen.
Granted, this only works when/if the writers' strike ends.
Option 2:
Some UPN TV show writes a role for Ron Paul, hoping to get him "electable," like that "Law and Order guy..."
Again, end the strike first.
Option 3:
Survivor-styled show to determine final candidates.
AHHHhhh - now everyone wins.
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Posted in the section Government on Sat, Nov 24, 2007 at
2:34 PM